Anger is a very powerful tool for change. It's even more powerful and productive if you can take a few breaths and allow space around that intense fire energy so that you can respond rather than react. Easier said than done 🤪. Women need to be able to harvest that anger and then discuss, set boundaries, have conversations with those who need to hear. Whomever our anger is directed at won't know what it's all about if we just sit there and fester or alternatively yell and scream in frustration. Then we are only poisoning ourselves. Anger used productively can illuminate and pave a way for change. We all just want to be heard. ps: This only works with emotionally healthy human beings. No matter how many breaths you take, nothing you say will be heard by an abusive narcissist. You will end up tearing your hair out in frustration. Just leave it. I had to after 9 years. Thanks for your post Freya. 🙏
It has been so challenging for me recently (even though I am a woman who moved for their partner over a decade ago) to reconcile my anger with the healing practices I’m trying to incorporate into my life. Maybe I need a season of anger. Maybe a couple. Thank you for contextualizing our anger in a long tradition of women who have been through it and refuse to be silenced!
I need to re-read your post, Freya, too much information to be absorbed in just one reading. Thank you for introducing to us Jane Anger. Your words about anger brought to mind David Whyte and his book 'Consolations' - a truly amazing book. He writes: "Stripped of physical imprisonment and violent reaction, anger is the purest form of care, the internal living flame of anger always illuminates what we belong to, what we wish to protect and what we are willing to hazard ourselves for."
Thank you Fotini--for reading and for the reminder of that gorgeous book by David Whyte. I read it throughout a year not long ago and always found something worthwhile-and I love that he wrote of anger as care as well. So now I get to return to it and re-read and make sure it's always near by.
Nov 17, 2023·edited Nov 17, 2023Liked by Freya Rohn
I feel so much of this, the anger being rooted in grief of being oppressed, constricted. The giving of more in agreement to gender roles- the unspoken acceptance of work discrimination and being a sponge to absorb all this crudity in a sexist misogynist society falls on the shoulders of a woman. Why? Why are we pressed for more, made to feel guilty for missing out on family time because we have careers, made to feel guilty by bosses for not spending more time in work because we have families and are mothers and daughters and wives to someone? Why it’s always us who should make room, make adjustments, make compromises for others?
Another question is why don’t we know more of Jane Anger than Jane Austin. I am gonna read her work this weekend, thank you Freya as usual to introduce me to another woman obscured by time and her angry work. Rage on! 🔥
I know--Kate Manne wrote this week about how shame finds ways to creep into our skin, the air we breathe and how hard it is to realize we're being conditioned to make less space for ourselves, to make others comfortable while we shrink. And Jane Anger is a treat--perhaps not as nuanced as Austen (who I will also claim was writing something radical for her circumstances and we simply have written it off as romance, which...just...no) but the creative curses alone are great--something we should bring back! ❤️🔥
"But those admonishments to never show anger are told to us because anger has power. Anger causes things to change. It’s a catalyst. I understand why so many platitudes tell us to let anger recede, to stay calm and carry on, to move forward from the past, to let it go. But for me, my anger feels more like a fire that reminds me I am lit from within, that without it, we move to acceptance of standards that discriminate and oppress". I found this very powerful.
And the Kate Manne book is great - a real eye opener for me.
I lean into my anger and rage as the daughter of a homicide victim (5 years this month with a criminal trial pending next month), but I channel it through the daily publication which seems to be the healthiest way for me. Thank you for covering this topic.
O Chandra I am sending you my anger as so much care for what you have had to go through and continue to fight, and I hope you can feel its care and solidarity. Thank you so much for reading. ❤️🔥
I always find it interesting that very young children, toddlers really, are so fairness oriented and so angry. A lot of their anger comes from being hurt, oppressed and painfully thwarted or from witnessing others experiencing those things. (Often for their safety, but even more often to be adult convenient). I don’t say that to infantilize women, but to note that anger and expressing it is a very deeply human trait.
I'm fascinated by that too--it's so innate, that sense of justice, fairness. That it's so basic to us and is somehow tamped down is so so telling as to what forces it serves. It also gives me a sense of hope, in knowing that somewhere it is inside all of us if we can be allowed to let it burn. ❤️🔥
I love Rage Becomes Her, and have been intrigued by the Loehnen book, I'll have to add it to my list for sure now. Thanks so much for reading--and yes! anger is a fuel for creativity as well as care for what is broken. ❤️🔥
I love tattlewell and hit-him-home--isn't it great! We so often write off the past as being humorless or stilted, and they had some amazing curses and wit happening in the medieval and early modern worlds. :)
I appreciate you, Freya. ❤️ HOW have I never heard of Jane Anger until now?? (I mean, I know how...)
Have you read Rebecca Traister’s Good and Mad: the Revolutionary Power of Women’s Anger? It’s a bit of a Trump-era time capsule, which may not always be a thing one wants to immerse oneself in, but I love reading what Traister has to say about just about anything.
Sam!! 💜Thanks so much for reading, I loved getting to know you and my only quibble about the Dickinson retreat was that we didn't all get more time to spend together! I loved Rebecca Traister's book--I agree completely, any of her writing is great--and it's funny, I remember reading that in bed waiting for my son to fall asleep after the awful election in 2016 and it was such a balm. It would be interesting to return to it now.
Sending so much love and solidarity in anger and good writing! 💜 Hope you are well!
I love this! Reading Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly liberated me from my own suppressed anger which used to
Explode from me about once a year when the oppressions and demeaning became too much. Now having released all that suppression and knowing I do have a voice it is much easier to be direct and true and though there is still so much misogyny around I can see improvements in the young people around me and I know it won’t be like this forever. So yes let us let rip when we must because it is so immensely freeing and our voices need to be heard.
Bravo
💜 🙏
Anger is a very powerful tool for change. It's even more powerful and productive if you can take a few breaths and allow space around that intense fire energy so that you can respond rather than react. Easier said than done 🤪. Women need to be able to harvest that anger and then discuss, set boundaries, have conversations with those who need to hear. Whomever our anger is directed at won't know what it's all about if we just sit there and fester or alternatively yell and scream in frustration. Then we are only poisoning ourselves. Anger used productively can illuminate and pave a way for change. We all just want to be heard. ps: This only works with emotionally healthy human beings. No matter how many breaths you take, nothing you say will be heard by an abusive narcissist. You will end up tearing your hair out in frustration. Just leave it. I had to after 9 years. Thanks for your post Freya. 🙏
I so agree Jo--Anger can be so misinterpreted if not wielded productively. It needs to live without burning hotter. 💜
It has been so challenging for me recently (even though I am a woman who moved for their partner over a decade ago) to reconcile my anger with the healing practices I’m trying to incorporate into my life. Maybe I need a season of anger. Maybe a couple. Thank you for contextualizing our anger in a long tradition of women who have been through it and refuse to be silenced!
I hear that too--and anger can consume us, but if it is rooted in care, it can be a way to lead towards healing in some way, perhaps. ❤️🩹
Thank you as ever for your response and your kindness and guidance. It can be so healing just to share these experiences!
💜 🙏
I need to re-read your post, Freya, too much information to be absorbed in just one reading. Thank you for introducing to us Jane Anger. Your words about anger brought to mind David Whyte and his book 'Consolations' - a truly amazing book. He writes: "Stripped of physical imprisonment and violent reaction, anger is the purest form of care, the internal living flame of anger always illuminates what we belong to, what we wish to protect and what we are willing to hazard ourselves for."
Thank you Fotini--for reading and for the reminder of that gorgeous book by David Whyte. I read it throughout a year not long ago and always found something worthwhile-and I love that he wrote of anger as care as well. So now I get to return to it and re-read and make sure it's always near by.
Also relevant (and exciting) - check the comments for the form link: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/elletwo_that-escalated-quickly-i-posted-about-activity-7130684487813730305-rUMt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios
Fantastic! Thanks so much for sharing, I signed up! :)
I feel so much of this, the anger being rooted in grief of being oppressed, constricted. The giving of more in agreement to gender roles- the unspoken acceptance of work discrimination and being a sponge to absorb all this crudity in a sexist misogynist society falls on the shoulders of a woman. Why? Why are we pressed for more, made to feel guilty for missing out on family time because we have careers, made to feel guilty by bosses for not spending more time in work because we have families and are mothers and daughters and wives to someone? Why it’s always us who should make room, make adjustments, make compromises for others?
Another question is why don’t we know more of Jane Anger than Jane Austin. I am gonna read her work this weekend, thank you Freya as usual to introduce me to another woman obscured by time and her angry work. Rage on! 🔥
I know--Kate Manne wrote this week about how shame finds ways to creep into our skin, the air we breathe and how hard it is to realize we're being conditioned to make less space for ourselves, to make others comfortable while we shrink. And Jane Anger is a treat--perhaps not as nuanced as Austen (who I will also claim was writing something radical for her circumstances and we simply have written it off as romance, which...just...no) but the creative curses alone are great--something we should bring back! ❤️🔥
"But those admonishments to never show anger are told to us because anger has power. Anger causes things to change. It’s a catalyst. I understand why so many platitudes tell us to let anger recede, to stay calm and carry on, to move forward from the past, to let it go. But for me, my anger feels more like a fire that reminds me I am lit from within, that without it, we move to acceptance of standards that discriminate and oppress". I found this very powerful.
And the Kate Manne book is great - a real eye opener for me.
Thank you so much--and I'm so glad you read and liked Kate's book too, she is doing such great important work. 💜
Jane Anger is now my favourite woman in history 😍
❤️🔥
I lean into my anger and rage as the daughter of a homicide victim (5 years this month with a criminal trial pending next month), but I channel it through the daily publication which seems to be the healthiest way for me. Thank you for covering this topic.
O Chandra I am sending you my anger as so much care for what you have had to go through and continue to fight, and I hope you can feel its care and solidarity. Thank you so much for reading. ❤️🔥
I feel it and it’s powerful. Thank you, Freya 🙏
I always find it interesting that very young children, toddlers really, are so fairness oriented and so angry. A lot of their anger comes from being hurt, oppressed and painfully thwarted or from witnessing others experiencing those things. (Often for their safety, but even more often to be adult convenient). I don’t say that to infantilize women, but to note that anger and expressing it is a very deeply human trait.
I'm fascinated by that too--it's so innate, that sense of justice, fairness. That it's so basic to us and is somehow tamped down is so so telling as to what forces it serves. It also gives me a sense of hope, in knowing that somewhere it is inside all of us if we can be allowed to let it burn. ❤️🔥
“Anger is so much more than rage or wrath directed outward; it's about the grief of being hurt, oppressed, painfully constricted.”
This is so perfect. This is it, exactly. Thanks for this wonderful piece and for the mention in it. I’m honored to be a fellow angry woman!!
Hooray! Thanks so much for reading, it means a lot. Love your work and so happy to be in angry solidarity. ❤️🔥
Read Rage Becomes Her after reading On Our Best Behavior - the seven deadly sins and the price women pay to be good - by Elise Loehnen
Love your piece. Thank you. Trying to fuel art and creativity with all my anger towards Patriarchy and the issues women are facing now.
I love Rage Becomes Her, and have been intrigued by the Loehnen book, I'll have to add it to my list for sure now. Thanks so much for reading--and yes! anger is a fuel for creativity as well as care for what is broken. ❤️🔥
hit-im-home!!! This is so good and SO important. Not too much at all 💥 Turn it up!
I love tattlewell and hit-him-home--isn't it great! We so often write off the past as being humorless or stilted, and they had some amazing curses and wit happening in the medieval and early modern worlds. :)
Yes!! My partner always says we read the past without the ironic wit with which so many of its authors were writing and winking. Great case in point!
I appreciate you, Freya. ❤️ HOW have I never heard of Jane Anger until now?? (I mean, I know how...)
Have you read Rebecca Traister’s Good and Mad: the Revolutionary Power of Women’s Anger? It’s a bit of a Trump-era time capsule, which may not always be a thing one wants to immerse oneself in, but I love reading what Traister has to say about just about anything.
-Sam from our Emily pilgrimage :)
Sam!! 💜Thanks so much for reading, I loved getting to know you and my only quibble about the Dickinson retreat was that we didn't all get more time to spend together! I loved Rebecca Traister's book--I agree completely, any of her writing is great--and it's funny, I remember reading that in bed waiting for my son to fall asleep after the awful election in 2016 and it was such a balm. It would be interesting to return to it now.
Sending so much love and solidarity in anger and good writing! 💜 Hope you are well!
Agreed! I love knowing I have so many kindred Common Ground spirits around the country, even though we only got to know each other for a few days.
Well said, Freya.
ah thanks Nia. 💜
I love this! Reading Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly liberated me from my own suppressed anger which used to
Explode from me about once a year when the oppressions and demeaning became too much. Now having released all that suppression and knowing I do have a voice it is much easier to be direct and true and though there is still so much misogyny around I can see improvements in the young people around me and I know it won’t be like this forever. So yes let us let rip when we must because it is so immensely freeing and our voices need to be heard.
completely agree! 💜 and I loved Rage Becomes Her—so important to talk about our anger and rages, they’re real and have an important role to play. ✊